The Anti Smoking Book Of Definitions

• Scientist
  Anti smoking Statistician



• Credible Scientist
  Statistician who says smoke is really, really, really bad.



• Discredited Scientist
  Statistician who says anything else.



• Proof
  Anything an anti smoking statistician says.

• Preventable Death
  Death by something other than smoke.



• Overwhelming Research Evidence
  150 anti smoking statistical stories that show passive smoke to be almost as harmful as hairdryers.



• Overwhelming Medical Research
  A rat that died after having the liquified products of the equivalent of ten thousand cigarettes injected directly into its heart.



• Smoking related illness
  Every heart attack and cancer multiplied by 2.



• Smoking related deaths
  Everyone who dies except those killed in road accidents (unless they were smoking at the time)

• Credible Commentator
  One that repeats ASH press releases word for word.



• Widely welcome
  ASH and anti-smokers only; no-one else counts.



• Popular public support
  Those middle class families who were polled at home at 9pm on a Saturday night.



• Public Awareness
  Anything an anti smoker says in the multi million pound ad campaigns.



• Success
  Removal of the smell of smoke from every business property in the land despite thousands of job losses, closed businesses and increased smoking.

• Anti smoker
  A person suffering from OCD that hates the smell of smoke and works tirelessly to have it banned from someone else's pub.



• Employer
  A person, who under the threat of large fines, must cater exclusively for anti smokers.



• ASH employee
  Activist paid from Government funding and drug company grants.



• Unacceptable behaviour by the tobacco companies
  Lying about the effects of smoke for their own gain.



• Acceptable behaviour by ASH
  Lying about the effects of smoke for their own gain.