An amazing article dropped through my letterbox this morning (thanks ‘Apache’) which I have no option but to share with all the sane people in this crazy, crackpot world of lunatics & junk science! That thing of relaxation, that thing that hopefully keeps the kids amused whilst we doze, that thing that sits in the corner or is mounted on a wall has now been announced a killer! Yep, the good old ‘goggle box’ is slowly but surely killing us off – apparently! Now we cannot blame one person in particular as it seems ‘the box‘ was created by numerous souls, working together and/or individually!
On August 14th the “Metro” newspaper printed an article by Hayden Smith stating that an hour in front of the box (after your 25th birthday) can shorten your life expectancy by 22 minutes. Yep, that’s what it says – twenty two whole minutes. Now that is incredible to my mind as how does anyone know at precisely what date (therefore age) exactly, are each of us mapped out to expire? Surely researchers must have this information to be able to determine this 22 minutes life shortening fact! There must be a book somewhere that has everyone’s determined date of demise written down in black & white! I wanna see it, I wanna know when my time is due so that I can be at the place that I wanna be at to die happily & peacefully!
Apparently this is double the life shortening expectancy of every cigarette you smoke (11 minutes) so I hereby conclude that by watching an hour of television and smoking 3 fags during said watching, I will shorten my/your life by 55 minutes – yes? Wow, talk about ‘give or take a few minutes’!
This claptrap was written by researchers writing in the British Journal of Sports Medicine – which I have managed to find here.
They warned that:
watching TV is a public health problem comparable to smoking and obesity.
Where do these people come from-the planet Zog?
England’s CMO has even got in on the act with this one by stating, “even small amounts of activity offered huge benefits. We hope these studies will help more people realise that there are many ways to get exercise, like a walking at a good pace (I remember my old friend and some time quiz opponent David Taylor MP doing that one Boxing Day!) or digging the garden,” she said. ( I remember our ex pub landlord tending the pub flower bed before keeling over with an aneurism-he died 42 days later having never recovered consciousness!) Right, so that’s the CMO’s horrendous advice dealt with then!
I would think that a quick bout of sexual activity whilst the adverts are on would be far more preferable (when the kids are in bed of course) as one can relax again in front of the 22 mph (mins per hour) killing machine that boasts about 600 channels to get you hooked! You could really go for the complete exercise regime after the first advert break by making a cup of tea during the second! Now this involves reaching out for things, moving the arms and legs, focusing the eyes & brain, taking great care to treat exceedingly hot objects with care & tenderness: not a lot different to the first activity then!
All attempted humour aside I want to know how my grandma watched 12 hours of TV per day for 43 years (she retired at 50) and still didn’t peg out until she had hit her 93rd birthday. She could have lived to be 148 if the bloody tele hadn’t been invented. Must start a ban the TV campaign – who’s with me?