I thought I might share this with you all as I would hate to think of any of you being victim to the shock I received last night. I will explain.

My good lady and I had tickets for the theatre and so attended last night at the required time of 7.30pm. We attended Leicester’s new ‘Sydney Opera House’ style theatre, aptly known as The Curve as it is a circular building encased in giant floor to ceiling window walls. It cost 7.2 x’s its original estimation of £4.2m-such is the ‘brilliance’ of our local council!

The play was about the 40 years span of a couple who met in the 60’s etc – and up to present day goings on. There were three acts to the play, thus two interval breaks where many of the theatre goers trooped outside for a fag.

During the three acts, the cast dutifully ploughed their way through 15/16 cigarettes as we went through the decades, it was quite exhilarating as the exhaled smoke drifted lazily toward the ceiling. After the first act had been completed (to rapturous applause), the curtain came down and the lights came on. I looked around and saw nothing but happy, smiling faces-and not a cadaver in sight!

I was totally shocked.

Not a dead body in sight. Not even one person gasping for breath or clutching at their throat in desperation after all that dirty, filthy, disgusting second hand smoke released on stage. There was something exceedingly wrong here I thought!

The second interval produced exactly the same mind blowing results. So that was two major exposures to SHS and not a cadaver in sight.

We sat and thoroughly enjoyed the third act, where they smoked again, and again, and the kids smoked too!  Triumphantly, I stood with everyone else and applauded as the curtain came down for the final time and the small cast took their bows. I say triumphantly because after three sessions of unadulterated smoking on a stage no more than 3ft away from the audience I was fully expecting bodies to be slumped hither and thither. Triumph rapidly faded as I realised that all of the audience were fully alive, not choking and thoroughly happy!

I noticed outside the theatre door there was a sign:-

WARNING.

This production contains on stage smoking using real cigarettes

(subject to… of the health Act 2006)

I pointed at the sign and asked the theatre usher why no one had died in almost two and a half hours of exposure to that deadly SHS. She looked at me as if I had just landed from Mars.

I don’t know what ASH, CRUK, the RCP, QUIT, FRESH and all the other half witted organisations would make of there being a lack of cadavers but it seems to me that last night brought the final curtain down on the myth!